Abhijit (John) Singh

Marketing Illusions - Is perception really a Reality?

A few months ago as I came outside the Four Seasons Hotel on George Street in Sydney, a hair-dressing saloon caught my eye as it had the words TRUMP written over the saloon. It was a nicely decorated saloon on George Street next to the hotel and was filled with men and women getting their hair done. One interesting observation I made was that there were hundreds of hair saloons on and around George Street but this saloon was defiantly the most vibrant and filled with people at any given time.

Obviously the name TRUMP rang a few bells and automatically I started believing that this business was part of the empire of the celebrity billionaire Donald Trump whom I have admired for many years, as I’m sure you have too.

I couldn’t help myself and I went straight into the saloon where I was greeted with professionalism and despite my efforts of booking an appointment I was told that the saloon was booked for another 3 days so I made an appointment for a hair cut in a week’s time and I was handed a slick business card with the details of the appointment. A week later I did attend my hair appointment where I felt treated like royalty and the hair stylist gave me one of the best haircuts I have ever received (no exaggerations).

Over the last 4 months I have visited the TRUMPS hair saloon once a month and it was only yesterday when I found out that this saloon was not part of Donald Trump’s empire and infact it is owned and managed by a local Sydney lady who had simply leveraged off an already established brand name to achieve a level of success with her saloon. With the exceptional level of customer service and an already established brand name, the TRUMPS Hair Saloon has become one of Sydney’s most succesful  small businesses winning various awards including the 2005 City of Sydney Business Award and the Small Business Champions award.

The success of TRUMPS made me think of other such small to medium businesses that have levered of the names of already established brand names and reached a level of success. I started researching companies from many different industries and was quite amazed to find that there were at least a handful businesses in various industries I had researched who were leveraging off the already established names of successful companies and many of these small business were reasonably successful. I even had the opportunity to talk to a lawyer friend of mine who happens to specialize in Trademark Law who confirmed to me that this was a common practice of small businesses and the law has many loopholes and majority of such businesses were covered by law as they were operating under independent registered businesses and approved trademarks.

Most people take perception to be the reality and get fooled by the intelligent marketers and get persuaded into illusions and rarely come to know the truth. Some may say that truth itself is an illusion whilst others may be happy and satisfied with believing illusions to be the truth. I think a person must be aware of everything so that they can make better choices in life but sometimes your awareness can fool you as it did in my case and other times your awareness can work in your benefit as it did it the saloon owner’s case.

John Singh

Transform your company from Mediocre to GREAT

You don't have to be great to get started, but you do have to get started to be great. Where do you start to transform your business from mediocre to great?

Below are your top 7 essential ingredients for cultivating greatness within your own business:

1. Know What Your Business Stands For And Live Those Values.

More than ever, today, customers don't just ask "what products do you offer?" They also ask "what values do you stand for?" What values does your business stand for? What practices have you developed to live those values daily?

2. Know Your Compelling "Why."

Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue ... as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself. For what "transcendent" purpose does your business exist? How does your business make a difference in your customers' lives?

3. Always Seek The Edge.

In 1954, Roger Bannister did the seemingly "impossible" and ran the first 4 minute mile. When asked how he did it, he said "It's the ability to take more out of yourself than you've got.'" How can you "take more out of yourself than you've got" to achieve the seemingly impossible in your business?

4. Dare To Be Different.

Contrarians are the change agents in the business world. These wealth-building businesses are not simply "executing better" – they're radically changing the rules of the success game in their field or industry. Where in your business can you break the rules? How can you set yourself apart from the crowd in your industry?

5. Find Models Of Greatness.

Within every industry, every geography, every career path, there are examples of greatness everywhere. Find those people, those businesses that inspire you the most. What is it about them you would like to emulate? What changes can you make today to be like them?

6. Know The End In Mind.

Great businesses **decide** their future. They are not dictated by it. They know exactly where they want to be, by when, how, and then persist in getting there. What decisions have you made about your business future? What do you need to decide differently in order to have a great outcome?

7. Commit To Personal Greatness.

Your business is a direct reflection of where you are at. It only grows as quickly as you do. To build a great business, you must commit to your own personal greatness. How do you define personal greatness for yourself? What changes can you make to unleash your own greatness?

Learn and Live.. .Live and Learn.

John Singh

Driving your life.

I woke up this morning with an interesting thought, “We drive our cars the way we live our lives”.

After I finished work yesterday a friend of mine picked me up from Parramatta station in his new car. Ali runs a paining business and has recently purchased a new Toyota Van and was very excited to show it to off to me so he offered to pick me from the station to take me for a drive before dropping be to my house. I wasn’t too keen on it as I knew what was to follow, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I accepted his offer.

As I waited on the street for him to arrive, I heard a screeching sound of a car coming towards me around the corner and I knew that was going to be him. I’ve known Ali for the last 15 years out of which his drivers license has been suspended for 6 years for various reckless driving offences. As I hopped in his new van, I could smell the freshness of the new car mixed with hint of tobacco and I leaned to the dash to look at the milage, the speedometer read 215 kilometers… Yep it sure was brand spanking new.

I knew to quickly fasten my seatbelt as I knew Ali well and the ride was doing to be very scary to say the least. Throughout the ride, Ali managed to never maintain the speed limit, failed to stop at some red lights and often forgot the fact that he was driving a van not a rally car on the race tracks. One hour later, I thanked God that I had reached home safely as my heartbeat was resting close to 120 beats per minute. (the average being 72).

Ali’s life has been very extreme from a very young age. Although a very kind and humble person ever since the school days he had a rebellious reputation as he always struggled to find a way to channel his energy constructively. He has always struggled to maintain a balanced life with many broken relationships, inconsistent work, lack of direction and discipline and ill health. Observing the way he drives one can make a clear correlation to the way he manages and drives his life.

Although Ali is a very extreme example, I challenge you to think about the people that you know and look at the way they drive their car and reflect that to the way they live their lives. Another example is my father, a person that has never had a driving offence in the 25 years he has been driving; he always follows every rule and is extra careful in the way he drives. He always plans his trips, he always gives way to people, he always wears his seat belt and is highly thoughtful and compliant. His life is very much the same. Infact in every aspect of his life he follows every rule and is another excellent example of this theory.

The way we live our lives, the way we do things, the way we handle challenges, they all reflects the kind of person we are. Not giving way to others shows that we are selfish. Not following the laws on the road means we are disobedient. Driving also exposes one’s heart. If a person always swears, he is sure to do it on the road which reminds me of the old saying, “the chains of bad habits are too thin to be noticed, until they are too strong to be broken.”

There are some aspects of our behavior that are inherent and are difficult to modify or change and my biggest advice to anyone would be to dig deep into yourself and understand all aspects of yourself and then based on the facts of who you are, manage your life accordingly to achieve optimum success. I am the best example of this, A few years ago I decided to stop driving as I too was a little like my friend Ali. Although I am a very good driver, at times I allowed the excitement and adrenalin take control of my driving and cause determent to myself. So the best decision for me was to stop driving and I haven’t regretted my decision the slightest bit. Infact a whole new world opened to my as I found more time to read books and think freely without the stress of traffic and road rage and I’ve fallen in love with Sydney’s public transport and have never really had the need to drive or own a car and I’ve never looked back on my decision.

So I challenge you to take some time to think about who you are and I encourage you to manage your life in a way that is most beneficial to you.

John Singh

Catching up to the Speed of Thought.

The world is changing in ways that the common man can not comprehend. The speed of technological revolution has been no less than mind-boggling. Yesterday I said to my friend "I've seen the future and we're not in it".

Most adults are fairly oblivious to most of the technological changes that the world is experiencing and they feel very comfortable in their safe harbor of the known and are too scared or lazy to sail the high sees and explore the uncharted waters.

Never before in the history of time, children have such strong control and influence over the future. They live in a world that is very different to the adult world, I call it 'the world of imaginations' and in this world of imaginations, you are only limited by your imaginations and today the technology exists to transform your imaginations into reality faster than ever before. Children do come to us much more highly evolved than adults to teach us the lessons that we need to learn, with their ability to imagine without boundaries or limitations and their innocence and their perpetual curiosity they seem to forever keep extending their imaginations and they seem to be the real beneficiaries of our new technologies.

Last Saturday I went to a barbeque gathering at a friend's house at North Curl Curl beach. On this perfectly sunny day as most of the adults were enjoying their food and beer, lying back on the chairs chatting away and getting a tan. After a few beers, nature called and I had to break the ice and be the first one to visit the toilet to drain the many liters of beer that I had consumed over the last few hours. As I walked into the house heading to the loo, I made a very interesting observation. Most of the children in the party were indoors on the computer choosing the songs to play on itune and youtube. Simultaneously they had six dialogue boxes opened on MSN instant messenger, conversing and connecting with people on the other side of the town, country and even the world. I walked back out to the backyard and went straight to the cooler to get another beer (Pure Blond off course, as I was too trying to keep up with the technology and change and Pure Blond happened to be the most advanced beer in the market with its extremely low carbohydrates), I went back to my chair. As I reached my chair a young girl sitting next to me caught my eye by her assertiveness, as she demanded to her mother to get her a laptop with Internet connection, as she was not interested in listening to the boring adult conversations. Luckily Tracy who was one of the hosts of the BBQ had a laptop with iburst (wireless connection) and was kind enough to bring it out for the young girl. As it happened I was sitting right next to her and passionately observing her as she worked that laptop. She was chatting on MSN messenger with her school friends, had her Facebook account opened, googling from time to time to search for information and listening to music at the same time. From time to time I would see her chat to her friends about school, teachers, upcoming concerts and movies, celebrities, new product release, new website discoveries and much much more. Every time I made an attempt to talk to her, I received nothing more than a cold shoulder followed with the words, "you are shouting in my ears, I am busy now:. After my numerous attempts of talking to her, I simply asker her one question, the answer to which shut me up for good. I asker her how old she was... her reply... NINE.

I turned 27 in April this year (2007) and I think of myself of being quite technologically savvy, but I tell you one thing, when I was 9, I hadn't even seen a computer and I could barely talk a few words of good English and my idea of having fun at a barbeque party was playing Hide 'n' Seek around the block in Bombay.

The children today are different, they are born and live in an information rich society and on some levels they have matured far more than I have at 27 and definitely they are more technologically savvy than most adults. I have observed and I'm sure you have too, in today's day and age it is the adults that ask the kids how to do things, I remember growing up, it was me that my father used to ask to set up the VCR to the TV or the new computer or the stereo system. More than ever before, the children today have control of the steering wheel driving us towards the future. The future is only limited by their imaginations, and the world today is more conducive towards making any dreams and imaginations a reality than ever before, and the children of today are busy changing the world at a speed that the world had never experienced or even imagined before and finally the speed of change and growth is catching up to the speed of thought.

John Singh

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Please send me your feedback and post your comments or mail me at mail@johnsingh.com

22nd November 2007 - UPDATE

Thank you for all your wonderful feedback and support. I am proud to inform you all that this article has been accepted by a few magazines to be published and also by Ezine and can be viewed here http://EzineArticles.com/?id=843835

I look forward to providing more such articles as I uncover my thoughts over the months and years to come.

John Singh

Right Brain Domination.

Read this sentence. You just used the left hemisphere of your brain. That’s because our brains are contralateral, which means the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and vice-versa. In case you are still trying to figure that out, in the West, we read left to right.

Left-brain thinking has traditionally been associated with traits like order, analysis, and logic and jobs in accounting, engineering, and the medical field. But the future, according to Daniel Pink, is in right-brain thinking or at least in it playing a much more significant role.

Pink’s A Whole New Mind provides a compelling argument for the impending transition of society’s influencers to be right-brain thinkers. These thinkers are aesthetic, contextual, and metaphorical and typically have been artists, inventors, or storytellers. In Pink’s future, many left-brain jobs, products, and activities will be outsourced, automated, or less valued due to globalization and incredible efficiencies created by none other than left-brain thinkers (in particular Pink’s three agents of change are Abundance, Asia, and Automation).

The conclusion is simple: whip your right-brain into shape. Start exercising those right-brain muscles. Pink outlines the “whole new mind” he believes is critical in this coming era, indicating the need to complement function with design, argument with story, focus with symphony, logic with empathy, seriousness with play, and accumulation with meaning. The whole new mind is not the absence of the first; it is the inclusion of the second.

Should Pink truly be prophetic, his conclusions would have significant implications on how businesses and organizations interact and communicate with clients, customers, and constituents on the web (you saw this coming, didn’t you?). Perhaps elements of his whole new mind are already here.

Blogs have created a more conversational tone than the traditional corporate web site. Simply having a web site is no longer a competitive advantage; successful sites have great design. Good sites don’t just have copy that sells people, they tell a story.

Pink’s vision of the future, while still untested, doesn’t seem unrealistic. We definitely see the need for a “whole new web site” with many of our clients and more generally, in our industry. Web agencies or web groups within organizations won’t succeed with left-brainers alone. They’ll need right-brain thinkers to help integrate and synthesize web presence (”symphony”) , to craft narrative content (”story”), and create meaningful web experiences (”empathy,” “design,” and “meaning”).

Get ready for a whole new web site.

John Singh

p.s. - We’re actually already pretty good at those.

Thinking about our Thoughts.

As human beings we always think, but do we ever realize why is it that we have given such extraordinary significance to thought?

Is it because it is the only thing we have, even though it is activated through senses?

Is it because thought has been able to dominate nature, dominate its surroundings, has brought about some physical security?

Is it because it is the greatest instrument through which man operates, lives and benefits?

Is it because thought has made the gods, the saviors, the super- consciousness, forgetting the anxiety, the fear, the sorrow, the envy, the guilt?

Is it because it holds people together as a nation, as a group, as a sect?

Is it because it offers hope to a dark life?

Is it because it gives an opening to escape from the daily boring ways of our life?

Is it because not knowing what the future is, it offers the security of the past, its arrogance, its insistence on experience?

Is it because in knowledge there is stability, the avoidance of fear in the certainty of the known?

Is it because thought in itself has assumed an invulnerable position, taken a stand against the unknown?

Is it because love is unaccountable, not measurable, while thought is measured and resists the changeless movement of love?

We have never questioned the very nature of thought. We have accepted thought as inevitable, as our eyes and legs. We have never probed to the very depth of thought: and because we have never questioned it, it has assumed preeminence. It is the tyrant of our life and tyrants are rarely challenged.

John Singh

In Search for Peace.

Every where we look, every where we go, in every city that we live, in all the times that we have lived regardless of it being the 21^st Century or the 1000BC, human beings have been surrounded by noise, mind-boggling noise. But is the noise outside of us or is it really within us. If everything in this world apart from nature is the product of thought then all the noise outside of us is the product of the lack of peace within us. So is not the mind itself a source of disturbance? If you really think about it the mind can only gather, accumulate, deny, assert, remember and pursue.

Is peace - which is so essential because without peace you cannot live, you cannot create - something to be realised through the struggles, through the denials, through the sacrifices of the mind? Do you understand what I am talking about? As we grow older, unless we are very wise and watchful, though we may be discontented while we are young, that discontent will be canalised into some form of peaceful resignation to life.

The mind is everlastingly seeking somewhere to create a secluded habit, belief, desire, in which it can live and be peaceful with the world. But the mind cannot find peace, because the mind can only think in terms of time - as the past, the present and the future, what it has been, what it is, and what it will be - condemning, judging, weighing, pursuing its own vanities, habits, beliefs.

The mind can never be peaceful though it can delude itself into some kind of peace, but that is not peace. It can mesmerise itself with words by the repetition of phrases by merely following somebody, by knowledge; but such a mind is not a peaceful mind, because the mind is itself the centre of attraction; the mind is by its very nature the essence of time.

So, the mind with which you think, with which you calculate, with which you engineer, with which you compare, such a mind is incapable of finding peace.

Think about it.

John Singh.

Truth is a Pathless Land.

I have spent the last few hours reading ‘Truth is a pathless land’ and I wanted to summerise some very interesting points that Krishnamurti makes and I’m certain if you too read this with seriousness it will challenge you to think at levels that you may never have thought before.

Man cannot come to it through any organization, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophic knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Man has built in himself images as a fence of security — religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates man's thinking, his relationships and his daily life. These images are the causes of our problems for they divide man from man. His perception of life is shaped by the concepts already established in his mind. The content of his consciousness is his entire existence. This content is common to all humanity. The individuality is the name, the form and superficial culture he acquires from tradition and environment. The uniqueness of man does not lie in the superficial but in complete freedom from the content of his consciousness, which is common to all mankind. So he is not an individual.

Freedom is not a reaction; freedom is not a choice. It is man's pretence that because he has choice he is free. Freedom is pure observation without direction, without fear of punishment and reward. Freedom is without motive; freedom is not at the end of the evolution of man but lies in the first step of his existence. In observation one begins to discover the lack of freedom. Freedom is found in the choiceless awareness of our daily existence and activity. Thought is time. Thought is born of experience and knowledge which are inseparable from time and the past. Time is the psychological enemy of man. Our action is based on knowledge and therefore time, so man is always a slave to the past. Thought is ever-limited and so we live in constant conflict and struggle. There is no psychological evolution.

When man becomes aware of the movement of his own thoughts he will see the division between the thinker and thought, the observer and the observed, the experiencer and the experience. He will discover that this division is an illusion. Then only is there pure observation which is insight without any shadow of the past or of time. This timeless insight brings about a deep radical mutation in the mind.

Total negation is the essence of the positive. When there is negation of all those things that thought has brought about psychologically, only then is there love, which is compassion and intelligence.

Awareness is observation without condemnation. Awareness brings understanding because there is no condemnation or identification but silent observation. If I want to understand something, I must observe, I must not criticize, I must not condemn, I must not pursue it as pleasure or avoid it as non-pleasure. There must merely be the silent observation of a fact.

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life…

Do take some time and think about the above… there is a lot of wisdom in those words.

John Singh

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

I read a very interesting quote today by a famous American poet, James Oppenheim and it made me think and inspired me to mention it in my blog.

The quote simply read; "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet."

Most people are seeking happiness in the future. They are waiting for certain things to happen for them to be happy.

Only the wise man understands that he only possesses the moment. There is nothing but NOW. And so he must seek happiness now, right under his feet.

It is really a matter of making a decision. Decide that you are going to be happy no matter what. Just smile and you will be happy.

The two most powerful things that will help you be happy all the time are:

Gratitude: Be grateful for what you have. Most people only look at the dark side of their lives. They don't see the ocean of blessings that they live in. Being healthy is a treasure in itself. Think of all the good things that you have in your life―and I challenge you to find them anything but endless!

Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life gives you the ultimate feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. Why? Because when you follow your true purpose in life you are in harmony with the reason for your existence. Your purpose is why you are here and what you are meant to do. Your purpose is why you were born in the first place.

If you are unhappy, you must understand that your unhappiness is healthy because it is an indicator that you are off track. You are not following your purpose in life and so you are not happy.

Happiness is always here, just under your feet. The time to be happy is NOW, not tomorrow. You only live NOW, and you deserve to be happy NOW. Be grateful and follow your true purpose in life and you will feel happy all the time. Choose to be happy, because happiness is a choice. You can easily make that choice when you have a high level of gratitude for all of life’s blessings and when you find and follow your heart's desire―your purpose in life.

I hope this article had made you think as it has made me…

John Singh

In Search for Happiness.

If you analyse people's actions, you will come to the conclusion that they all seek happiness. Every act is in fact a search for it, even if on the surface it doesn't look so. Happiness is always the main target.

Going to the movies, eating in a restaurant or going to a party, are motivated by the desire to be happy. Sometimes the movie is not interesting, the food is not good and the party is boring. Then the search goes on. Maybe the next time the search will be more successful.

If the activity is pleasing, there might be a feeling of happiness, and then this activity is sought again in order to repeat this pleasant feeling.

Who does not dream of a vacation in some fascinating location, a new car, a new house, or the ideal match? All people daydream, and some even try to make their dreams a reality. And why is that? In order to be happy.

What about people who endanger themselves by climbing steep mountains, entering unexplored caves, or diving into the deep of the ocean? They too are looking for the few moments of happiness and rapture.

A thief may steal because he loves the thrill of danger, or because he desires to have quick money to spend. He is actually looking for happiness, though in a criminal and perverted way.

The list can be endless. It is the happiness factor that is dictating the behavior of each and everyone. It is sought in many ways and forms. Sometimes though, it is sought in a selfish way, or by hurting other people through stealing or taking by force.

Of course not all actions end in happiness. The motive is happiness, but the results not always bring the coveted desire.

According to some spiritual traditions, we are spiritual beings in physical bodies. The spiritual part is always happy, or rather is happiness itself. The body covers this happiness essence, but it is there all the time. There is a constant desire to be aware of this happiness. This is the reason it is constantly sought.

No matter what activity is sought, at the moment that happiness is experienced, something happens. Whether it is the thrill of arriving to the summit of a high mountain, eating a delicious cake or winning the lottery, there is a common element that is always present.

At the peak of happiness there is a stoppage of the thinking process. There is inner silence. Worries are dropped away. There is peace. The competition or dangers are over. This may last for a brief moment or a little bit longer. In this vast peace we feel happy. It is not the object gained or the successful performance that brought this feeling. It is something internal and independent of the outside world.

Happiness is always here, but covered by thoughts, desires and fears. It is experienced when these covers disappear for a while. When fear or worry come to an end or a desire attained, there is a temporary disappearance of these covers. The ego and personality stop moving for a while, and a great satisfaction and inner happiness is experienced.

In order to experience it on a daily basis, one has to learn to quieten the restless mind. One has to dive inside, because happiness is an inner attribute and is not in the objects or circumstances. It is in this world, but out of this world.

There is no need to search for happiness or to create it. There is no need to have all kinds of outer experiences and actions in order to feel it. On the contrary, everything has to be dropped in order to experience it.

Every technique, which helps to relax the mind and quieten the rush of thoughts will lead to happiness. Developing concentration and engagement in meditation are the main ways towards this goal.

When the ability to have a quiet mind under all circumstances is gained, one enjoys constant happiness, no matter what he is doing and where he is. This is quite attainable, but to gain this peace and happiness you need to work towards it. By making the first step today, happiness will start to fill your life.

Happiness is always here, but covered by thoughts, desires and fears.

    John Singh
   

How successful is your relationship… Are you doing all these ?

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, I am reveling to you some simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget.

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you.

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward.

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.

I look forward to your feedbacks and suggestions and perhaps some more tips that I can share with my readers.

John Singh

The Secret to business.

Many of us have learned "The Secret" for personal life: The Law Of Attraction.

However, there is another secret that is powerful in the business world: The Law Of Reciprocity.

The law of reciprocity states that people will give back when they’ve been given to. In the context of business, here’s how the law of reciprocity plays out: For the most part, every time you do the right thing for your customers, employees, partners, and/or greater community, these people will find a way to repay you. They will be loyal to you. They give thoughtful feedback to improve your business. They tell their friends to buy from you, or to work at your company.

Adam Smith, the grandfather of Western economic philosophy, wrote in The Theory of Moral Sentiments, “No benevolent man ever lost altogether the fruits of his benevolence. If he doesn’t always gather them from the persons from whom he ought to have gathered them, he seldom fails to gather them from other people, and with a tenfold increase. Kindness is the parent of kindness.”

Try a little faith today at work. Make a bet on people and invest in them. Even if you don't see an immediate return, you will eventually see a pattern: success.

John Singh

Bring Out the Artist in You.

I was at the New South Whales art gallery today and the experience deeply influenced me. I saw how the various painters were not afraid to deconstruct and then reinvent their art over the course of their life. I saw the way they all dared. I saw their devotion to excellence - and being outright original. They all have inspired me.

So here's what I think. At work each day, we are all artists. My brushes and paints happen to be my words. My canvas is my books and the customers and my audiences I have the privilege to share my leadership message with. But I'm an artist. I honestly feel that. I create. I express. I provoke. And so can you.

Each day you step into the place where you work, you have the opportunity to nurture - and awaken - the artist that inhabits you. We all have a core craving to express who we are and to create something special. Part of being human. I encourage you to satisfy that urge by being the Picasso of Human Resources or the Dali of Sales. Be the Renoir of Real Estate or the Michelangelo of Medicine.

Step out into the world each day and create your masterpiece. The world will be better for it.

John Singh

What Matters ?

Hope you've all enjoyed the gorgeous Sydney winter and looking forward to the even more gorgeous summer.

I’ve been renewing, thinking, learning, growing and traveling in and around Sydney over the past weeks. I adored the Sydney beaches, the Botanical gardens and my long-time favorite the Blue Mountains. I have shared some very precious memories in Sydney over the last 15 years I have lived here. Stunning beauty. Can't really put words to it. Visit that slice of Heaven if you can.

Have been also spending a lot of time in reflection. Rethinking so many things. To ensure the coming days are lived with authenticity, passion, innovation and a genuine devotion to creating value. At 27, so many priorities have changed for me. Being successful is far less important to me than being a good person - and doing my best to make our world a better place. Am I perfect? Far from it. But I work harder than you'll ever know to live my message and develop my inner life. A work in progress. That's all I am.

Why do I share this with you? Because we share this leadership (and human) journey together. Because you too want to realize all the gifts that lie within you. You too want to learn/live/love greatly. And you too want to break free of the chains of limitation that hold so many of us. And stand boldly amidst the possibility your life was meant to be. To be great in your work. And within your life.

As I sit in my new sunroom and I reflect on what leadership is all about. It's about being excellent - when no one's looking. It's about being positive and energizing - when everyone else is complaining. And it's about influence. Influencing everyone you meet to inspire them to be great.

Here's the insight I just got: if you intersect with 10 new people every day (from the people that you meet at work to the clerk at the grocery store), at the end of just one month you will have had the opportunity to have had a positive influence on about 300 human beings. After a year, over 3000. After ten years - get this - 30,000. Now, if each of the people you leave better than you find them,  in turn,  elevates 10 people each day by who they are, you have a splendid chance of enriching the lives of over a million people. Stunning, isn't it? Truly.

So who you are and how you show up matters. Your devotion to brilliance matters. Your attitude and levels of passion matter. Your good manners and honesty matters. And what you are becoming matters. More than you can imagine.

I'll leave you with a precious line from Kahlil Gibran's outright masterpiece The Prophet: "The lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul." Enough said.

John Singh

To drift is to Be Alive

I remember a few years ago I had taken my team sailing in the beautiful Sydney harbor. A day spent connecting/learning/adventuring. We talked about leadership. Life. And our passions.

As we sailed, I noticed that no matter how much each of us tried to keep perfectly on course, we drifted. To get to where we were going then became about the constant cycling between being off course and getting back on. Between drifting and non-drift. Same thing happens in organizations. And in life.

At work, we drift from our organizational goals as we experience the pressures and deadlines. We get busy being busy and lose our focus. Each day, no - each hour - we need to awaken to our drift. And get back on course, staying wildly focused on our highest priorities. And within our lives, same thing. Never lose sight of where you want to end up.

So my invitation to you is to pay more attention to drift. The more you notice it, the more you can be at choice around it. And a brilliant career/world-class life is all about intelligent choices in the direction of your destination.

John Singh

Good Things Take Time.

I'm impatient. I move fast and love things done now. I have a dream and wish it came true last weekend. I get an idea and want it realized tomorrow. But life's not like that, is it? So, through my inner work, I've learned to slow down (a little). Because Good Things Take Time.

We live in a world that adores speed. But the nature of business and life is more organic. A gorgeous wine takes time to mature. A precious garden takes time to bloom. A breathtaking mountain needed time to form. And - great businesses and world-class lives are not created in a day. It's more about evolution than revolution. Those small daily improvements that, over time, lead to stunning results. It's the small steps that matter most.

So today, I invite you to be patient. Focus more on consistent and steady improvements in the way you work and in the way you live. Slow and steady does win the race.

John Singh

Invisible Fences.

I'm sitting here in my sunroom typing my thoughts on my laptop and I start thinking about why we play small. Why we avoid change. Why we don't innovate. Why we refuse to accept the call on our lives. To be remarkable. My answer: Invisible Fences.

Here's what I'm talking about: I took a drive out into the countryside last week. To breathe. To renew. To think. I saw a sign from a dog training company on the lawn on someone's house. It spoke of an Invisible Fence. I guess it's some system that sets an invisible boundary that the dog can't get past. The dog eventually becomes conditioned so that even when that fence is gone, it will not run beyond it. The dog sets up imaginary limits that determine its reality. We're like that too.

We adopt negative beliefs and false assumptions and sabotaging fears from the world around us as we grow up. These become our Invisible Fences. We think they are real. When we bump up against them at work (and in life), we retreat. We believe the boundary is true. So we shrink from all we are meant to be/do/have. The illusion seems so vivid. But it's not. Please remember that.

So today, question your Invisible Fences. Bring some awareness to them. Challenge them. Pin them down. So that when one confronts you, rather than running away from you, you exercise the force of will and talent of heart to run through it. To the poetic possibilities your life is meant to be.

John Singh

They make it look so easy.

Reading the latest issue of TIME. All about the 100 Most Influential People in the World. Jobs is in there. So is Branson and Gore. Mittal makes the cut as does Oprah. But one of the profiles that intrigues me most is the one on Leonardo DiCaprio. Because of a single turn of phrase used by filmmaker Martin Scorsese.

He describes the first time he saw DiCaprio acting. "In this performance, I didn't see the machinery." I read those words and had to put down the magazine.

Masters make everything look so simple. The best of the best do their craft with effortless ease and grace. Or at least, because they are so brilliant at what they do, it looks that way to you and me. We can't see the machinery. We don't see all the early mornings and late nights spent working hard to be BIW (best in world). We don't see the fierce determination that was applied to overcome impossible odds and make the dream come true. And we don't hear the laughter of the critics that needed to be ignored to get to the mountaintop.

World-class performers - in entertainment/business/politics/education - all make it all look so easy. But it wasn't. They did whatever it took to make their lives special. To be unforgettable. To get to their highest. And so can you.

John Singh

A Stainless Character.

Stainless steel - a great invention. But what about a stainless character? On that is noble, aspires for excellence in all pursuits and never gives up in pursuit of its ideals. Even better.

What is within must always appear without. What I mean by that is that the quality of your inner world eventually is reflected in the quality of your outer world. A person who dreams pristine dreams and who is impeccably honest/good/ethical and stands for what's best will soon act in alignment with those values. And those actions cannot help but drive extraordinary results. Inner always creates the outer.

Leadership really does begin within.

John Singh

Stop Talking.

Too many people talk too good a talk these days. Tons of empty promises. Tons of hyperbole. Tons of lofty statements that never amount to anything. Leaders are different. They talk less and do more.

I love the quiet leaders. Those silent souls who underpromise and overdeliver. The Merchants of Wow amongst us who know that a person's word is their bond. And that every promise kept builds credibility - the foundation of trust.

So make a commitment today to be impeccable with your word. And be a person of action. Someone who is all about generating results. Because getting great things done speaks for itself.

John Singh

Stop Fighting For Your Excuses

It's so very human to fight for your excuses. "I can't be better than I am at work." "I don't have the time to exercise." "I can't do this dream or that dream because it's too hard/scary/impractical." The more you fight for your excuses, the more they'll own you. Let them go. And step into your power.

Leaders don't make excuses. They create results. And no great life was ever built on a foundation of excuses. So stop making them. Most of them are self-created delusions. Designed to help you avoid doing the things you are afraid to do. Yes, beneath every excuse lives a fear. A fear of changing. A fear of the unknown. A fear of failure. A fear of success.

Today can be the day you burn the bridges that lead to your excuses. Today can be the day you step up to the possibilities that lay just off the beaten path of your life. Today can be the day you Lead Without Title. And access your greatness.

John Singh

The Journey's as Good as The End.

Just read a quote from a Cadillac ad in the latest issue of GQ. Quotes actor Andy Garcia as saying: "It's important, when going after a goal, to never lose sight of the integrity of the journey." He's right. The journey to any result - whether that result is being ridiculously good at what you do for a living or breathtakingly great in the way you conduct your life - is just as (if not more important) than the end.

I guess what I'm inviting you to reflect on is that the climb offers you far more value than getting to the mountaintop. Why? Because the climb toward your goals shapes your character and offers you opportunities to grow and tests you to see how much you want to win. It's the climb that serves to teach you and evoke the greatness that inhabits you. You get to develop The Qualities of Greatness like perseverance and courage and resilience and patience.

Sure, getting to your dream feels wonderful. I'll agree with you on that. But it doesn't bring you the same gifts as the journey to the dream does. We learn more from the times that test us than we do from times of success.

So the next time you feel impatient or frustrated or hopeless en route to the professional and personal life that you’re committed to creating, remember that precisely where you are might just be the best place you could possibly be. And just maybe-the journey is a richer place to be than the destination.

John Singh

Go on... Take that leap.

It's stunningly interesting to me how we have the power to - over the hours of this very day - make a decision/choice/commitment that can transform our professional as well as our personal lives forever. This day can be the first day of your new life. The day that changes everything. The day you stopped playing small and stood up for the poetic possibilities your life was meant to be. I get excited just thinking about that. Seriously.


So my question to you is a simple one: what one leap could you make today - that if you made it - would change the game? What one Bold Step could you take that would radically alter the way you think/feel/behave? What New Move could you step into that would lift you into the realm of extraordinary/remarkable/world-class?


Now, today, why not take that step? There will never be a perfect time to be the greatest you. Actually, there will never be a better time than today to make the improvements you need to make to be the leader/human being that you've always dreamed of being. So, why wait? Do It Now.

John Singh

Are you a beautiful thinker ?

I remember I was sitting in my hotel room at Jaipur the pink city of India . An absolutely fascinating city. The sounds. The culture. The people. All a wonderful education for me. I felt so grateful to be there.

While I was sitting in the palace hotel that once was infact a residential palace of an ancient king, I remember reading Jhumpa Lahiri's book "The Namesake". Beautifully written. Reading the book provoked an idea: Become a Beautiful Thinker.

Commit to making each of your thoughts a thing of beauty. Devote yourself to coming up with gorgeous insights and striking ideas and reflections that are masterpieces. You know that your thoughts form your world and what you think determines how brightly you shine. So today, decide that the thoughts you run through your mind will be nothing less than masterful, remarkable and beautiful.

John Singh

ABC - Always Be Connecting

Leadership is about relationship. The best leaders build strong social networks and rich communities of teammates, suppliers and customers that will help them get to where they're going (while they, in turn, reciprocate). And world-class leaders know how to connect. Strikingly well.

I remember last year when I used to commute from Sydney to Melbourne almost every week there was a Virgin Airline flight attendant who used to always find ways to connect with her passengers on all the trips. She even remembered our names. She did friendly little gestures. And she made us laugh. I remember once she just asked if I wanted to eat. I said no (I try to eat little when I fly). Her reply was a classic: "I guess you've had an elegant sufficiency of enoughness." Made me crack up.

Find ways to connect. With the people you work with. With the loved ones you live with. And with the strangers you share this journey called a life with. You'll not only attract more professional success. You'll feel more personally significant.

John Singh